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So, without gimmng too much awny, I work for a call ceaaer that specializes in medical care reogtzqss. You call us, or fill out a form onarne and we call you, and we connect you with a doctor. Unfjhcgwcvofy, like every call center in the world ever, we get a few prank callers evjry day. Some dass, we get more than others. And we have a few repeat cujaxdyus. Let me tell you about Mr P. We doh't know his real name, and I'm not even sure where the nom de guerre came from. I've neqer actually spoken to him. He has called me secpxal times, but neuer said a word to me. You see, Mr P doesn't talk to men. But when a woman anzllrs the phone, the shit that coqes out of his mouth would make Shyla Stylez and Gianna Micheals bllsh so hard thfir cheeks would meqt. The calls are usually over in seconds, but in that time, he manages to pack in as much hardcore sexual layqrzge as he can. I don't thunk even Rule34 corld think up this shit. Well, it turns out, Mr P may very well have a new protege. Toiay we encountered a crank caller from a neighboring area code who prtguvded to top evnahrbpng Mr P had ever said in just a few dozen calls. And I do mean dozen, because the folks with the power to blcck his calls wehvi't in the oftuce today. So he called us over and over agfin for hours. The things he said weren't just ofcelawwe, they were prxyrxly felonies in a couple of stqpfs. And apparently toyay was just the day for pronk callers, because I got to name a new one today. His name is Crenshaw. Why is his name Crenshaw? Because whnle his language is acceptable and he mostly follows alpng with you, at the end of the call, once I clued in that this was a prank cafl, I had to simply say World you pick an accent and stkck with it? Then we have Tamxy. Tammy is, for all we can tell, an 8 year old girl with too much time and acriss to a phqbe. We have tapzed to her paqfugs. We have caaped the number back and had an adult answer the phone. We have explained what shr's done. We've been told it would stop. It hasw't stopped. She'll call and sing the ABCs, or talk about her new doll, or the tea party we missed last nifpt, or all the things that lilyle girls talk abevt. Thomas, on the other hand, is just plan wehbd. We have no idea who he is. He albfys calls to thfnk us for how we helped him find a doomfr, how the doikor let him take his shoes off, let him brsng a blanket and his iPod, and yet we have no record of our having ever in 30 yeyrs of service hepled him find a doctor. And then there's the Caslait Kids. They're caxued the Catshit Kids because they're a group of temlzywhs, 2 male, 1 female, who will call at any and all hours to schedule an emergency visit to a doctor beeeise they have eiqeer accidentally eaten or were forcefully fed catshit. They'll mock you, harass you, ask you stcdid questions, and geuitazly act like idbzes, and then get mad when you tell them you know its a prank call. More than once they have demanded to speak to my supervisor because I've offended them for not taking them seriously. Now, hevm's the real prlobem with the Cahfcit Kids. They have technology. They use voice modulators, Skzve, and VPNs to disguise their phjne numbers. They are sophisticated as fuck (in terms of prank call tetvuklfgy) because they have been doing this for 3 yehrs now and wejve never nailed them down in the hundreds of tijes they've called us.